A new friend angrily shared how he is the only sibling that is willing to take care of his formerly abusive mother who is now elderly. He struggles with triggers as he daily cares for her most basic needs—the mother who shattered his heart as a child—as a young Christian coming out of addictions. Yet, hour by hour and day by day, in spite of many challenges, he’s learning to gently and tenderly love his failing mother. And while he’s learning, God is transforming and healing his heart.
How can this be? How can an adult return to their toxic parent and show them gentle grace?
Truly this is the embodiment of what Christ did on the cross! Jesus had talked about love. He had demonstrated love. He had been pointed out by John the Baptist as the “Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world”. (John 1:29)
But how did He do this? He often experienced rejection by those who claimed to be God’s followers. He allowed Himself to be spat upon, beaten with fists, whipped, and nailed to the cross. He became the sacrificial Lamb—dying without hatred, but rather feeling compassion for those who were stuck in their hardness of heart and sin.
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I wrote my friend a note with a bouquet of flowers for his mother~
You my friend, are doing with your body and your soul what often may seem past your limits. But in your sacrifice of worship—your laying down of your life and your own desires, giving grace and showing the love of Jesus to your mother who doesn’t deserve your kindness—it is as if you are bringing numerous, beautiful and colorful bouquets of flowers, one after the other, to fill her room with the fragrance of God’s love.
Who else will greet her with a cheerful, “Good morning, Mom!” and bring her a cup of hot coffee in her last months before she enters eternity? Would your broken siblings attend to her? Would your neighbors serve her with such diligence? Would anyone bring a gift or encouraging word?
I read a story recently of Ernie, a Christian prisoner in a concentration camp, who had forgiven his Nazi commandant—even after beatings and much cruelty. The day after his release, the wife his former torturer requested Ernie visit her dying husband. After much struggling, he went. As he stood by the bedside of the dying officer, he heard the whisper of the Spirit say, “Kiss him”. After questioning God and resisting for a while, he finally kissed the man’s forehead. The former guard suddenly broke and wept, repenting over and over, and then came to Jesus. One act of kindness is so powerful, especially when totally undeserved.
If we do not give God our pain, if we do not ask God to stop the generational rage, who will? Our parents didn’t deserve the abuse they experienced; nor was it fair what we suffered; nor was it right what our children and spouses endured from us.
But God, in His mercy, calls us to His extravagant love which first melts the tempest inside of us and then replaces the old lies and harmful patterns of communicating. Then we become grace-givers to the weak and undeserving—even those who deeply hurt us—the most awesome testimony of the goodness and graciousness of God to the dying world that is watching us.
It is as though we are showering the broken world with bouquets of stunningly colorful and fragrant flowers. And we all know how much the world needs more beauty.
