The Soul Cry of Rage

Wanda Viola

How long, O LORD, must I call for help...Or cry out to you, Violence! but you do not save? Why then do you tolerate the treacherous? Why are you silent while the wicked swallow up those more righteous than themselves?

Habakkuk. 1:2, 13b (Suggested reading: Psalm 55)

When I processed memories of my childhood sexual abuse, anger surfaced. Tears erupted. Rage exploded. I hated my abusers! The harm done to me tore me apart. Their wicked deeds changed my life and damaged intimacy in my marriage. Why did I have to pay for their sins?

I could intellectualize about how good would triumph over evil, how those who abused me were abused themselves, and how God works everything together for His good. But I could not ignore the cry of my little heart, the deep questions of my soul. If God is so good and powerful, why didn't He protect me?

On a walk I cried out to my heavenly Father, asking Him these questions. Why didn't You save me? Why didn't You stop them? Where were You? As my sobs quieted, He assured me He was always with me. He reminded me He didn't create robots on this earth. He gave us a choice because He wants us to love Him. Those who choose their own fleshly desires and gods reap evil, often hurting others in the process. But He never does evil to us. He is not our enemy. My soul calmed. I knew I would understand it all when I finally reached heaven.

Prayer: Father, help me to trust You no matter what the cost. I desire purity and love, not anger. Please give me a tender, soft heart like Yours. Amen.
Thought for the day: My heavenly Father is completely good and loves me dearly.

Published by The Upper Room in the September-October 2008 daily devotional guide. Printed on p. 65 for October 25, 2008. Available for reprint.